My Secrets are Your Secrets
by mccoldplay
Summary: Royai oneshot. Riza has asked Roy to burn her tattoo off, and he is afraid of hurting her. They both know it must be done.


Riza squeezed her fists tight. She couldn't show the colonel that she was afraid; she could not let him see that side of her. She opened the flap of his tent, inhaling deeply. Roy stood up immediately and greeted her, afraid of what to say. The two stood awkwardly facing each other for a few moments before Riza swallowed and spoke up. "I just wanted to say thank you in advance, Colonel," she said sternly. "It…it means a lot to me." Roy nodded quickly. There was not much room or privacy in the small tent, but Riza tried her best to act calm and collected. She looked up to meet his eyes, and he looked at her for only a second before turning away. Mustang always had some witty comment to add; Riza had never seen him silent before.

"Whenever you're ready," Roy mumbled. He scratched his head before turning his back to give her some privacy. Riza nodded to herself. _I can do this_, she thought. _I must. The flame alchemy on my back must be destroyed. This is the only way. _Silently affirming herself, her shaky fingers moved over the buttons on her jacket and let it fell to the ground. Riza heard the colonel gasp at the sudden noise and it scared her. She closed her eyes and unbuttoned her shirt- this was it. It was really happening.

Hawkeye quickly stepped over to the cot. She laid down flat on her stomach, her hands pressed firmly against her hips. She lay for a moment, and then realized Roy was still waiting for her. "I'm ready," she whispered. The fear in her voice caught her by surprise, and apparently Roy as well. He subconsciously placed a hand on her shoulder, and then drew it back. The Colonel cleared his throat and tried to change his demeanor. "Alright, Lieutenant Hawkeye. I have a rag that you can bite down on, if you'd like." His voice was strong, but shook slightly when he said her name. Riza nodded. Roy crouched in front of her cot, placing the rag in between her teeth, avoiding her eyes. "I have water and towels and alcohol for afterwards. You might pass out from the pain, but I need to keep you awake so I know you're…" his voice hitched and he couldn't finish.

"I'm going to be fine," Riza assured him. Mustang simply nodded and stood up. Riza heard nothing for a few minutes, and she turned her head to see that the Colonel was slowly and gently folding her shirt and jacket for her. He placed them on his small desk, his eyes squeezed shut. "Sir…"

"You'll be fine." He smiled. "It'll be fine." Roy moved over to her again, clenching his fists as he watched her body begin to shake. He pulled on his clean, white gloves to tighten them. Mustang put his hand on the intricate tattoo, causing Riza to jump slightly. "Sorry sir," she apologized. Roy tried to calm her down by running his fingers over the design. As much as he did not want to do this, he knew his Lieutenant was right. These secrets had to be destroyed. "Just try as much as you can." Riza's voice snapped him back to reality. "If I scream or cry, don't stop. Please. It has to be done." She said. Mustang just nodded and removed his hand.

"Are you ready?" he whispered. Hawkeye squeezed her eyes shut, clenched her fists together, and nodded. Roy took a deep breath and counted to three.

_SNAP!_

His fingers snapped together and flames exploded from his hands. Immediately Riza's screams were all Roy could think about. He was about to rush to put out the flames, but knew he had to keep going. His eyes watered at the sight of her searing flesh, literally forcing himself to snap once more. One, two, three.

_SNAP!_

The flames that erupted were weaker this time, but still did their job. They caught Hawkeye's skin and burned it like paper. The tattoo melted away, leaving bright red flesh underneath. Roy's nostrils were filled with the stench of burning bodies and he stood, violently shaking, as Riza's screams of anguish reverberated through his ears. He couldn't take it anymore. This would have to be it. Mustang shouted that he was going to pour water on her back, but Riza didn't seem to hear. Her screams turned into heavy sobs, her body racking with her breath. Roy's vision was blurry and he didn't know what he was doing. He felt his hands reach for the bucket of cold water, and then gently douse the seared skin again and again. He heard himself shush Riza's cries, he felt himself rip his gloves off and stroke her short hair. "I'm so sorry, Riza, I'm so sorry." he murmured her name into her ear for what felt like hours.

When Riza was calm enough to breathe normally, Roy whispered that he was going to apply the alcohol and cream. She responded with a simple moan; she was too weak to do anything else. Roy poured some rubbing alcohol onto a damp towel. His hand hovered over the skin, knowing how much it would hurt her. It was killing him; this hurting her so much. He could barely stand it. But he knew he had to. Mustang pressed the towel onto the burned flesh and awaited her cries. Soon enough, the shrill scream came, but not nearly as loud as before. This one was filled with something else…something much worse. It was more than pain. It was surrender. Roy could hear her letting herself slip away underneath the pain. He moved again to her face, stroking her cheeks and wiping her tears. "Keep…going." Hawkeye mumbled. Roy nodded and dabbed the rag again to the wounds. Riza sucked air sharply between her teeth.

Rubbing the cream into her back, Mustang noticed how much his hands were shaking with fear. He was so exhausted- he just wanted to get out of the hell that was Ishval and sleep for a very long time. Finally, he could bandage up Riza's back. He had to sit her up to wrap the bandages around her body. He was afraid Riza would be embarrassed, but she was barely even conscious enough to know what was going on. Her hands were loose by her sides instead of the last time she bared her tattoos to him. He remembered the memory well- his trusted Lieutenant had come to him in a daze. "Colonel, I have to tell you something." He remembered listening to her reveal her father's dark secrets of flame alchemy. He felt as if he had been slapped in the face. When she told him she had all the information with her, he jumped up in his seat. "Well, where is it?!" he demanded. Riza just stood up, her eyes on her shoes. She had turned around, not saying a word. As she unbuttoned her shirt, Roy stood there speechless. Slowly, she lowered her shirt to reveal the tattoo that her father had forced on her as a child. She pulled the shirt up against her chest, hiding her body from him. Roy stumbled back into his chair, his eyes not able to look away.

This was much different. Riza didn't seem to care or even notice that her body was exposed to her superior and friend. Her big brown eyes fluttered back into her head, her body heavy from the trauma. Roy swallowed hard at the sight of her condition. The pain of the ordeal would last a long time, and her wounds would not heal for several months. The scars would cover pieces of the design, but some of the tattoo would still be visible. He gently tapped Hawkeye's arms to tell her to lift them, and she lazily obeyed. Riza rested her arms on top of her head as she swayed back and forth. Roy held his breath as he wrapped the bandage around and around and around until most of her torso and back were covered. Roy took her hands in his and gently let them fall.

"You can go to sleep now, Riza." He murmured. He had never called her by her first name before that day, but it felt so natural on his lips. Hawkeye just nodded with her eyes closed. Roy smiled and helped her lie down on her stomach. He stood up to take a walk outside and let her sleep in private. "Colonel…" she mumbled. Roy turned and quickly crouched next to her face. "Yes, Lieutenant? What is it? Can I get you anything?" Riza shook her head. Roy leaned in closer and waited for her to speak.

"Thank you, Colonel. Now I'm finally free."


End file.
